It was easy

The best way to describe the difference between now and at the beginning of IB can be summarized by this statement:

It was easy.

Not to minimize the stressful things I had going on in my life during sophomore year and before, but I had never faced any big challenges that needed to be overcome or felt as if I experienced many hardships. 

I was... pretty close with my family, and dependent on them. This is a picture from my spring break sophomore year to act as a visual. I felt as if I could come to my parents if I had problems, I could relate to Mia and Parker (my siblings) and overall I was happy when I went home at the end of the day. 

Sadly this has changed a little for me since then. Over the past two years, I have had opportunities of fierce independence and developments in myself in such a way that I feel like I have hit my maximum development I can under my parent's wing. I have gained a sense of capability, from being able to run errands by myself to knowing my limits without needing someone to tell me (like not needing my parents to manage my candy intake anymore). I have grown and gained maturity and a strong sense of self over the past two years, and I no longer feel as if I fit in at home, which is a very hard thing to face moving on. Now, things are hard at home as I seem to constantly feel smothered by my parents.

I was... unsure of my identity and what I was passionate about. This picture from 8th grade is a pretty hilarious example of three of my sides. I often found myself acting certain ways around certain people, trying to please them, making things easier for me. I would avoid voicing my opinion on subjects when my opinion was unpopular, and avoid confrontation at all costs.
Certain areas in which I have a passion for now have been formed over the past few years. Two examples are my passion for promoting females in sports and in the STEM field. In middle school and into the beginning of high school, I had not hit the stage at which my love for those two things (sports and STEM) were very limited by my gender. I also know that the obstacles I have faced over the past few years are only the tip of the iceberg relative to the rest of my life. Yet, I am now more fervent in my beliefs and passions, which means I am no longer afraid to hide my opinions. This makes it harder for me to get along with people in general.

I was... good at school and it came easy for me. Enjoy this picture from my sophomore year volleyball banquet of us standing in front of some books and let it act as a valid form of visual evidence for my point.  Okay so gimme a second to explain myself because of course school was easier sophomore year and of course over the past two years school was hard. During this time I had rough times in class, but overall it was never a lack of understanding in the material. I didn't have to study much (if ever), I could easily bring myself to get my work done and do it well, and I had no problems with balancing all the things I was doing (sports after school everyday, club team practices, school clubs, spending time with my family and friends) and maintaining my sanity and grades.
Over the past two years that story has changed. IB has pushed my limits academically. I have shed many tears over stress from school, lost hours of sleep, and had times when I had no clue what was going on in class. I would argue that this isn't directly correlated with only my intelligence, but also with aspects such as time management and mental health. On all fronts, these things have gotten harder for me when it comes to success in school.
 

I have so much more to say that I can't fit in this blog post and some that I probably shouldn't include. Here's some more things that come to mind that fit the idea of that time being easier: 

I was... making non life changing decisions 

I was... more stable in my friendships 

I was... less stressed

I was... given less responsibilities 

I was... so excited and looking forward to being a graduating senior. 

Now being in that position, I am so excited and looking forward to the next step in my life.

Reflecting on what I wrote and how that represents my growth over the past few years I feel a certain message emerges. Yes, the future is exciting, but so many good things are going on around you at any given moment. All of these things I pointed in this post I took for granted at the time. It is important to take time to realize all the things you have going for you right now in your life. 

Also it points to the idea that life only gets harder as you grow up, but those hardships are not without their importance and value in your life.  I'm sure I could write this same thing in two years, if not in the next six months as I transition to college. Things may be getting harder, but it'll be worth it. 

What Whittman Wrote (and why)

(disclaimer: I'm not 100% sure this is how you want us to format this but I tried)

My original impressions without looking at the notes:
 My first thought is that his handwriting is SO HARD to read. In addition, trying to read it without looking at the notes is really hard. Moving past that, it is super interesting to get this inside glance into Walt's mind. This notebook seemed to be for literally anything, from the addresses of people to little doodles. Structurally it reveals a lot about Whitman. His minds wanders from thought to thought, crossing out words and phrases as he goes. Yet he still has a vague focus for each section of the notebook, as all the drawings are confined to one space rather than being spread out. Something else I noticed is that he seemed to vary the direction on which he wrote on the page. It might have just been the way the pictures were taken, but it seemed as if sometimes he wrote horizontal and sometimes he wrote vertical. That seems super weird to me, and it gives me the sense that he knew whether he was going to be writing longer sentences (horizontal) or shorter sentences (vertical). This seemed to be a place for him to work out his ideas, evident through the fact that some of his words and phrases are marked through. He toys with ideas such as the metaphor of a ship representing different things, the idea of religion, and others that appear in his published writing.

After reading the notes and having my mind blown with all the info they got from this:
He is for sure toying with his ideas in this notebook, from multiple titles for a never created brochure to poetry about Lincoln. This notebook reveals the extent to which Whitman's poetry and mindset was influence by the political state of the united states. In particular it reveals how invested he was in Lincoln and how much he wished to share with the president elect at the time. In addition, the theme of democracy, which is very present in his published poems, are also very prevalent in this notebook. It is seen through his questions of how Lincoln will do in office and his other political statements. Also, let me just say that I'm a little annoyed they skipped around pages and put them in a different order maybe because I don't like that someone who is not Walt decided what I see of his notebook and in what order. Also that causes some of my first observations to be not valid anymore, like ordering all the drawings together. Also, I am confused by the idea that he didn't draw those doodles himself. I mean, I don't hand people my personal journal to draw portraits of myself, but I guess it speaks to the kind of guy he his, one who likes to look at himself. I mean I have my friends take selfies for me so I can see the similarities to that and the drawings in his notebook. From his notebook and what that website told me about his notebook, I feel as if Walt was a guy who was confident in his opinions and reflective of the world around him, especially the political world.